the woman i want to be

Drizzle. Every time the rain came down softly like short silks thread she often sits nearby the window of her luxury apartment. In her hand there is a novel. Today it is a thriller fiction by Paul Austner, “Music of Chance”. On the table nearby the window there will be steaming hot chocolate with 2 spoons of sugar and no milk. After a few pages, she will lose in her thought for a while. Looking through the window and her thought travel passes the trees, busy roads, tall corporate buildings; escaping the city life. She takes a sip of her drinks and sighs. Ahh that the moment of emptiness she felt for a few minutes were in sync with the drizzling rain. The freedom of her travelling thought, the serene look on her face and the element of her life success intertwine with adulthood. How I long to experience that. It’s a perfect life of beauty. The romantic elements fold into one fondue. I wish I was her. But now wishing is even impossible for me. This lacking self with not specs of talent, not even a hint of success. My young life is full of bittersweet experiences of failure, lies, and expectation which I unable to grasp. BABO. That’s what I am for letting go of every great chance in my life and keep holding on empty hope and wishful thinking. It does not matter anyway. Nobody knows. Nobody care. I only have me and my wishful thought. Every time it drizzles, they bloom. And that is the source of my confidence and energy to keep on walking on this shameless path. I wish one day I am able to enjoy my life as free and serene as that lady.